Carol's Letter
Hi. My name is Carol Keys, and I have been asked to share with you for a few minutes a few things about the Therapeutic Equestrian Program as I experienced it. My hope is that you will be able to feel a bit of what I carry with me still as a result of that experience.
My group was all women, and all of us we were in some stage of cancer treatment –all but one of us were dealing with breast cancer.
Some of us were bald, some of us were burned from radiation, some of us were sick from chemo, some of us were very fearful, some of us were emotionally shattered, all of us were exhausted. We had all been living as cancer patients, living within our treatments, in various physical and emotional states.
Some of us had past experience with horses and some did not – some had positive experiences and some did not. The idea of being outside, being with those remarkable women, and being near the horses was all I needed to plunge in head first.
But it got even better.
So here we were in a beautiful setting, mostly outdoors, a far cry from the chemo and radiation rooms - a group of women mostly meeting for the first time. There were so many amazing mentors, so many generous and loving people as mentors I can’t even name them all now. But our main mentor - that’s like “Main Man” - was Jim McDermitt. Now most of you know Jim, so you know that contrary to first glance, this is no ordinary cowboy. We tumbled to this right away when his first rule was “take care of yourselves”. And his instructions were: “If you are tired, rest. If you are thirsty, drink. If you are hungry, eat”.
What a concept. We all made notes in our special notebooks.
It became clear very early on in our training, doing ground work with the horses, that we were the guests – that the horses were allowing us to be with them – not the other way around. It became clear that we could never be with them unless we could meet them where they were: which was IN THE MOMENT, and not in our heads churning with thoughts about the last treatment, the next treatment, the bills, whatever – we had to be right here in that moment, because they, the amazing horses were ONLY there, were ALWAYS there. There was no other place to meet them. And they would only work with us if we had that agreement. And as we had moments of clarity about that, and caught ourselves actually able to do that, we found we were participating in what had been intended all along: living. Being right there. In each moment. And in spite of ourselves, we were mostly doing it.
Jim taught us then to “ask” the horses what we wanted from them. If that wasn’t clear enough, we were to then “suggest”. And if we still weren’t being heard, we were to “inspire”. I have used that approach in most of my business and personal relationships since: ask, suggest, inspire.
I was really lucky to get to do some groundwork with Jim’s horse Bayrazz. And it was funny, because you have to imagine all these girly girls with these big beautiful horses – and Jim’s next rule was: you can work with my horse, but don’t be kissin or feedin him.
Ok, I had a huge inner struggle going on with that one, and at one point as we were standing in the arena, Bayrazz decided to gently nibble on my hands as I held his lead. I thought it was sweet – but Jim raced in to help me discipline Bayrazz. It seems that he was disrespecting me, and that in the wild, if I were the alpha female, this behavior would not be tolerated. And I had to correct this social faux pas, OF MINE, and set difficult boundary: one that would continue to make this relationship healthy. I learned about boundaries… and the proper etiquette for establishing them.
When it finally came time to ride, Jim let me ride his horse. I knew this was a huge honor, and I knew I had to earn that trust. With Jim and with Bayrazz. So here I was on top of this magnificent animal. And as Jim gave us instructions for what to have the horse do, like “back up”, I would close my eyes, feel Bayrazz all through my legs and all through my body, smell his wonderful sweaty sweet grass smell, and in my mind, ask him to back up.
Guess what he did? He backed up. And I felt like I had transcended everything I thought I had known about being in a relationship, being alive, about being present.
And then in my mind, I asked Bayrazz to stop. And he stopped. And I’m sure there was some very subtle body language as I “thought” these requests, but it was truly magical and I will never forget it.
And whether I got to run him, walk him, back up with him or just sit on him, it was like flying. It was him and me, in a magical kind of space together because were completely together in those moments. And I knew if I wasn’t right there, right in that moment with that horse, that I would not fly, I would just be sitting there alone.
There is so much I could tell you, so much that happened in those short weeks, but I hope I can leave you with this: I learned about LIFE here.
Thank you so much for supporting these stables and these programs. For me personally, this gift has no measure. It’s utterly priceless. And for Marin County, to have these facilities, these dedicated people, these beautiful spaces, this gift to offer so many, is also priceless.
I just can’t thank you enough.